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sleeping in the apple tree

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[02 Jun 2007|01:56am]
i've moved to a new journal but don't wish to give the name publicly.

if you like what you see here and want to add me, e-mail me at
sweater.sleeves [at] gmail.com
and i'll give you the username.

into the boiling sand

[31 May 2007|12:18am]
i am so hungry, my stomach is this big croaking emptiness, but right now i'm in that place where every bite seems to stick in my throat and i'm terrified that i'm going to choke (and being afraid it will happen makes it even harder to swallow, it's so much easier when you don't think about it).

toast with butter and strawberry preserves is so delicious, so so delicious, i just want to enjoy it.

1 sank together into the boiling sand

[30 May 2007|07:00pm]
this christmas, i want to do something beautiful for my friends. give them something truly, truly delightful that will speak to them of how much i love them. but i know i won't have much money, as i am saving up for tuition and next spring's london trip and the two-hundred-and-fifty i promised miss prism and driving insurance, because i really must learn to drive sometime soon. what spare money i do have will probably be for tithe, fruit and veggies from the market, and ingredients to bake things for classmates, dearhearts, a&h darlings and all the rest.

i have it in my mind to have a dinner party sometime next year, to invite all the people i love and cook them a big delicious meal... but i had thought to do that in the spring, maybe after the last mainstage show closes. last christmas i baked chocolate chip cookies and wrapped them in pretty napkins, then put them in snowman cups along with christmas chocolates and peppermint patties and regular old striped peppermints and a quotation written on a slip of lovely paper. and i picked each quotation for each person specifically, then wrapped the cups in colored plastic and tied them with curled ribbons and wrote each person's name on the cups so i could make sure the right quotations made it to the right people.

and i think i'd like to do something along those lines again, because i was able to do that for a lot of people without spending too much of the money i don't really have. but i don't want to do the same thing over. and i realize christmas is more than six months away, but today i saw a breath of winter somewhere, and it got me thinking.

so if anyone has any ideas for delightful little things... something thoughtful that i can do with my own two hands to show how much i love everyone... yes, i would appreciate any ideas. and we certainly have plenty of time to think. ♥

1 sank together into the boiling sand

[28 May 2007|01:23pm]
because i felt quite ill last night in many ways (i haven't been sleeping enough, have been dehydrated, so and so on, and by yesterday evening i could hardly even eat anything... probably not a good sign), so i went to bed early and slept for fourteen hours. throughout the late morning i woke up on and off, in turn having a variety of short dreams. i don't remember most of them, but a few that stayed with me:

flying and dyingCollapse )

2 sank together into the boiling sand

[26 May 2007|01:51am]
talking & walking with you for almost five hours made me smile:
. your crazy family
. your crazy hometown
. getting lost in dumpster-land
. realizing that you don't remember this is the third time you've told me this story
. the way you ramble on and on when you're tired
. how you talk about kids
. finding those free massage chairs in the mall (massages ALWAYS make one smile)
. the one bit of your hair that was sticking down straight
. buying a new book
. just being in the company of someone who sees right through me

1 sank together into the boiling sand

[21 May 2007|10:16pm]
dear you (and you and you and...):

01. i am truly going to miss you. i know we never became friends, not quite; but we had a wonderful time in the play, and during the last few weeks of this semester i think we grew closer. now we are at least quite fond aquaintances; and when you gave your farewell up on stage at the awards ceremony and began to cry, my heart melted. it melted more when we hugged in the lobby, the only time we've ever hugged, and your touch was so gentle and sincere. i have never seen you so tender and open-hearted, and it made me smile in a bittersweet way. i will miss you so much. i wish we'd gotten to know one another better.
02. you said, "listen. whatever you make this summer - set aside two hundred. no, two hundred fifty. promise me." and i promised and held out my pinky; you hooked yours in mine, and i thought that was all, that's the way i know to pinky-promise. but then you kissed your hand, so i kissed mine too, and then i knew it was really sealed. i still don't know why you said that, but i'm doing it, dear. i'm keeping that set aside. whatever it's for, it's you and me, that much i know. and that's motivation enough.
03. it hasn't yet hit me how final this separation is. i'm sure we'll see one another again sometime in the future - but not much. and probably once i've moved on, we never will. i wish, oh i wish we would, but in reality we will likely go our seperate ways. and my dear, when this fully hits me, i will crumble. i'm silly little anne and you truly are my bosom friend. i don't know where i'll be without you.
04. thank you. thank you for being an intelligent and real person, real in your complexity, the faces i see you wear in different situations and the gentle, sincere face you wear with me. thank you for taking care of me, for being so unnecessarily generous (with your tea and crackers, your speedway slushies, your embrace when i was shaking and crying, your two hours by the riverside when you should have been studying). thank you for some of the best conversations i've had. i think our friendship has an interesting tone, and i think it's going to become something lovely. thank you.
05. when i come back, i'm going to run up to that building and burst into the lobby and spin around in circles, then fling myself down on the carpet and laugh. and i do sincerely hope that you come out of your office and look down at me from the balcony and make snarky, snide comments so that i can throw some back at you. i intend to be as buoyant and free-spirited as i can so that we may banter in the best of ways; for i like to think that you are touched by my attachment to that building, this program, these people (including you). so don't disappoint me!

into the boiling sand

[11 May 2007|10:02pm]
i am having a horrible time getting music lately.

if anyone can send me "avalanche" by heather nova, i will probably cry with joy.
i need this song in my life right now.

3 sank together into the boiling sand

[08 May 2007|12:05pm]
note to self: reread to kill a mockingbird this summer because
. A: it's an incredible book that i loved the first (and admittedly only) time i read it four years ago, and
. B: one of my friends calls me scout, and i want to remember what she's like.

i named my pet fish atticus because i loved atticus finch so much. i miss that book.

3 sank together into the boiling sand

[06 May 2007|11:47pm]
her: good luck on your philosophy exam tomorrow. though i'm sure you don't need it. you know all about sex and love. well, maybe not the love part.
him: that's right. but that's only because love is dead.
me: (whirling around to call down the hill) that's not true, sir. love exists!

{blend it up for me dr. bach}
. clematis, red chestnut, vervain, white chestnut
. cerato, elm, hornbeam, larch, wild oat, wild rose
. agrimony, cherry plum, gentian, honeysuckle, larch, rock water, white chestnut, willow

different shades. switch. lightswitch-flick. bright and then dun. bathe me in larch and mustard and wild rose. to sleep for a week and wake up refreshed all through every fiber of me.

into the boiling sand

[22 Apr 2007|05:05pm]
i'm caught up inside my own head

somebody pull me back to the land of the living

into the boiling sand

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